I don’t know how to keep a man.

Psst: I’ve moved. Visit me here http://streetsideconvos.com. Maybe the new blog will be for you. Maybe not.

I don’t know how to keep a man

Never been good at playing hard to get

Stick my foot in my mouth

Care too much, don’t care enough

But you. You’re still here.

Dark birthmark on my right cheek

I try to pinch and peel you off my skin

secretly loving the way you won’t budge

You are the rock, I am the river

winding furiously in spurts and stops

Admit it you like it ; the passion of its flow

the full calm when it ebbs; the curious mix

of feisty bitch and gentle lover

the warrior you boast of, the coward you pep talk

You know me. I need not say more

than those sighs my chest heaves

lying on top of yours

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You are an expert. Here’s why

Earlier this year, I decided to live off my hard earned savings-  slow down, meet great people, take some time off to restrategize- relax, be flexible, travel and drop all the things I was holding onto to actually take the risk of trying out the ideas in my head.

After I realized my savings were reducing (like duh!) I still didn’t want the rigidity of a full time job so I decided to take part time tutoring as a source of extra income. I ended up tutoring a lot of Chinese people who were learning English as a second language as well as college students and high school kids. It turned out to be a great experience.

Along the line I decided to try my hands out at making similar content so I put out my course (https://www.udemy.com/become-excellent-at-analytical-writing/ ) and now my students are in the hundreds. While I still have a lot of work to do in getting the course out there, it was so encouraging to see the numbers increase and see that truly what I thought would be useful to others was indeed useful.

So what do I know about you that you don’t know? It is that your life experiences have made you an expert at something and you probably don’t even realize it.

So many times we are waiting for something to happen before we can live life. We are waiting to be more educated, be more experienced (whatever that means), more confident, more beautiful, etc.

Truly, when it comes to it, we are probably just afraid that we are not really enough. We are afraid of failure&rejection. We think that maybe if we can find more titles to mask our insecurity then we will be more confident to proceed in the direction of our dreams.

What you don’t realize is that you already have something that people want to know. You are probably taking yourself for granted thinking you have no value to add.

I don’t mean this post to motivate you. I mean it to be factual. You are an expert at something that other people don’t know and you are hiding it because you think everyone knows it already, or that you need even more experience.

What have you picked from your life’s experiences? Struggles? Lessons? Relationships? Share your gift today. There is always time to refine it. You cannot get experience without putting yourself out there and experiencing all life has to offer anyways.

How to sell yourself better (7 tips)

Psst: I’ve moved. Visit me here http://streetsideconvos.com. Maybe the new blog will be for you. Maybe not.

So from running a non profit to business to meeting new people to successful  interviews etc  I thought I should share some tips I have learnt in selling myself. This is going to be one of the longer posts but it will have as much value.

First of all why sell yourself? 

When I talk about selling yourself, I don’t mean anything flaky or sleazy, I simply mean letting people see how awesome you are.

People have limited time, their own needs and so no matter how awesome you are, you may have just a short window of opportunity to leave a good first impression that can make or break an opportunity. In that sense we are always selling ourselves whether it is to get into school, to get a promotion, to get an idea going, to get a cause started, to get a proposal approved, to get a date, get a friend, get a mentor, to get support for a cause etc.

Good thing is now the barriers to entry are so low- you can make a difference or connect with people just sitting behind a computer. However since the barriers to entry are low, you also need to be able to stand out.  Here are some tips on doing that.

1) See yourself/cause/business/idea from the other person’s perspective

 A lot of times I have made the mistake of seeing things from my own perspective only.

For example, for our non-profit start-up, we first started off writing things very technically, forgetting that not everyone had the same technical background as we did or as much time. Eventually we learnt to write things not just from our perspective but in a way that it was easily accessible to others.

This applies to your idea, or cause or during your interview. You want to make sure that you are not caught up in your little world but take some time to put your third party hat on- what do your customers need? What does this person need from your services? What are they looking for and how can you make things easier for them?

This changes the way you communicate your story.  It makes you want to keep things clear and simple. It also makes you communicate from the stance of how the other person can benefit from what you have to offer instead of just how good you are.

People care more about themselves no matter how amazing you are and when you focus on their needs you are in a better position to get your point across.

2) What is the story behind the story?

The person who tells the best story gets to write history. Stories give us meaning and hope and help us understand. Our whole lives are a conglomeration of stories that lead up to who we are today, and when we are selling ourselves people want to know not just the facts and figures but ‘Why’?

Why is this important to you? What’s the heart behind the fact?

If you are really doing anything worthwhile to you I am sure you have a ‘Why’.

Perhaps you can wear it on your sleeve more often.

3) Add value

Why should someone have you in their life? On their twitter feed? Facebook friend? In their inbox? In their company?

How are you going to make someone’s life better for meeting you? Or from reading your posts?

Making yourself an asset to others means you actually have to make a choice to add value to people’s lives every where you go. Be an asset, be an uplifter, be a blessing everywhere you go. When you see something of value, share with people. When creating a good or service, make sure to go above and beyond in adding value to people’s lives. See yourself as an asset and a creator not just someone who is here to use the earth’s resources unnoticed and then go away. Let this change the way you interact on social media and in real life.

4)  Big picture thinking

Our culture operates on trust. And as you move further in a transaction whether financial, emotional etc people will keep unconsciously wondering, can I let you in? Can I trust you to deliver if I make a commitment? If you are taking people further along the commitment hoops can they come through and trust you to guide them without red flags going off here and there?

Whenever you are presented with any opportunity, always think about the big picture.

Instead of thinking sale, think building relationship. Instead of thinking customers think about how you can build a community around this shared experience or story or cause or product. Instead of thinking manipulating people into a sale think understanding people so much that they want to announce you and share your amazing work.

Be someone that cares.

5) Farm don’t hunt 

I was listening to a podcast on social media examiner where they talk about being a farmer instead of a hunter. A hunter just goes out in the wild to hunt game but the farmer takes the time to plant, water, watch, wait before harvesting. Same thing with our relationships. You don’t just want to go collecting things from people even when you have not invested in the relationship. Instead nurture relationships, be a friend, care about people and their dreams and goals and at the right time they will be more than happy to be there for you.

6) Be comfortable in your own skin

When I had an interview recently where they were going to select like 4 candidates out of over a hundred applicants, something in me told me I would get the opportunity. I felt like one of the key reasons why I would get it was I was just myself. I was able to see the people evaluating me as just ordinary people- I didn’t over inflate them or underestimate them. They were just people like me- imperfect but amazing – and I didn’t have to pretend or be nervous, I just had to be myself and connect to my heart.

No one is asking you to be all glossed up or perfect but you do have to be comfortable with yourself. One thing that helps is to see everyone as human. We are all special but don’t need to be overhyped or undervalued. You are just as amazing as your boss or whoever is evaluating you, and you can be yourself so you can connect with your heart instead of being nervous.

7) Have you noticed? 

Selling yourself is not really about you. Selling yourself is about being human and genuinely serving others.

Here are links to some people I have learnt a lot from in communicating better and serving others better. I will add to the list as I remember.

More resources: Michael Stelzner, Sandi Krakowski, Montina Portis, Seth Godin

Do you have any more tips? Do share below, and if you found this useful then be nice and share with your friends 😛