What they didn’t tell you about change

CIMG0722

My first week in Calgary- somewhere in Inglewood

If you know me decently enough you will probably know that I moved to the States recently. Please forgive me if I am behind on responding to emails or comments, its been busy 😉

Last week I met up with friends to say goodbye and it finally dawned on me that I would never call Calgary my home again. Next time I’ll come as a visitor and while I would still know all its corners so well, it wouldn’t be the same. Some people that I met in Calgary will go just like me. Everything will reshuffle.

While I have made so many major moves in my life, it seems that as you grow older you start to be more reflective about choices. It don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

Especially since I will be in Colorado for a while, I had those moments of wondering-  should I or should I not, will it be worth it? Don’t I need to just dig in my roots somewhere?

Am I sure? Really sure? Really Really sure?

While I don’t have an answer to that question, one thing I know for sure is that this year God has been calling me forward into that sense of focus that comes from trust.

Life only happens once so how could we be sure of anything?

We could never really be sure of every move. We could never predict if it was right or wrong, we can never predict how it will change us, we can never predict how it will work out, we can never predict how it will impact our relationships. The best we could do is trust and to die trying to follow that sense of calling that only us can really understand.

I knew those tears were coming eventually, I just couldn’t really figure out when. Its always been the same. It would start with apathy and just doing all I needed to do but my breakthrough always came after I cried it out, grieved that part of me that is dying and finally embraced that part of me that is reborn.

Even as I sorted through clothes figuring out what to take and what to leave behind, so would my emotions and personality and relationships be sorted out too, sieving out what’s not helpful anymore and strengthening new connections.

With every transition, whether it is committing to a relationship, moving to a new place, moving houses, welcoming a child or saying goodbye to loved ones who pass, that liminal space between one end and one beginning can be very complicated.

While we are told that its for good, and to be strong and to be excited, I think we also need to begin to say that its okay to not be excited. Its okay to not be sure. Its okay to grieve even when we are supposed to be excited about good news. Grieving simply means we are closing one chapter and in the same way letting a new chapter unfold.

So if you are like me and you have moments where you think you are supposed to be excited but find only apathy or maybe apprehension, remember that it is more complicated than that. Give yourself room to grieve. Then let go- and TRUST.

My tears are so powerful. After them I become ready to move on and start another new beginning.

in Stanley Park, Vancouver

Another distraction on the road to clarity: analysis paralysis.

image

Life is a series of endless choices that we make and in that sense there are unlimited possibilities on the type of future we could potentially create.

Thanks to my analytical mind I can sometimes think of 100 possible endings to every story and wonder what is the best choice for me.

Maybe some of us tend to be worse at this than others but we all do it or don’t we?

What choices should I make in a certain situation?
What are the alternatives I left behind?
Did I make the right choice?
Repeat cycle every time a trigger sets it off.

Sometimes we compare imaginary pasts with the real past, imaginary presents against the real present, and possible futures against themselves.

We can even compare ourselves to others- where they are in life, their strengths against our weaknesses etc

I find a good example to be when I talk with Nigerians in the diaspora- their imaginary ideas of the ideal life they are missing out on in Nigeria and then talking to Nigerians in Nigeria and their imaginary ideas of the ideal life to be had outside the country.

That made me realize the most important thing is to love where you are and believe you are there for a purpose and make the most of it.

If anything, overanalyzing tends to lead to more confusion for me, because most times it blocks me away from listening to my own spirit.

So here is a better way I have found for myself- to love and learn.

I have made it a calling to love every step of my life- today, yesterday and tomorrow when it comes. To love every moment and every ‘mistake’ because all it did was help me recalculate.
If we are exactly like everyone else we can’t find our own treasure. But in finding our own treasure it is tempting to start comparing yourself to others to figure out if it will be worth it. What are you missing out on? Where should you be instead? Where is the grass greener?
The grass is greener where it is watered.

Comparing ourselves to others is just another unnecessary distraction on the road to clarity and helps us miss opportunities right underneath our noses.
Better still to love your own place in this world right now.

Love it completely – then learn from others instead of comparing yourself to them.

“… but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise ” – St Paul the apostle.

 

Ps: This blogpost was also featured in the ‘Finding personal peace’ blog here:

http://findingpersonalpeaceblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/blog-carnival-for-finding-personal-peace-for-august-18-2013/